Going home!!

I just got the email that the THP was approved and Squish will be going home today!! Time to get packing!!

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My easy bedtime boy is starting to have nightly I-don’t-want-to-go-to-sleep-I-need-to-screech-like-a-pteryldactyl-and-try-to-get-my-feet-stuck-between-the-crib-bars-and-oh-hey-can-i-chew-on-my-toes-where-the-fuck-did-my-pacifier-go-I-need-to-blow-raspberries-with-it-in-my-mouth parties. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Feeling a bit emotional today. I got a little teary at our Music Together class today, because I realized it will likely be the last one I get to go to with Squish. I also picked up some larger bins in preparation for sorting and packing up all of the baby clothes, which I think I will work on this weekend.

Transitions

Squish is having his weekend visit with his mom and, gosh, I miss him. This is our second weekend of overnight visits and to be honest, the first weekend I was so excited about sleeping that I didn’t feel his absence as greatly as I do tonight. We’re visiting my family and on the two hour drive over I kept habitually looking back to his empty carseat, expecting those sleepy eyes and gummy grin that usually great me.

The reality that he will likely be back home for good in a little over a week is slowly seeping in but hasn’t fully “clicked” yet. I’m in this in-between place that is leaving me with some confusing, conflicting feelings to sort out. I feel myself withdrawing a little bit from Squish and it feels really shitty. I’m certainly not trying to, but I think it is my subconscious trying to protect and prepare me as I switch roles and routines. Transitions, man.

Overall I’m still excited. Excited for Squish and his mom. Excited for our developing friendship. Excited to be a part of their lives for a long time. Excited to sleep through the night on a regular basis. But there’s this little grey shadow of sadness lining all of that excitement. Bittersweet.

Quiet

Oh how I enjoy the last hour of my day. After sending my guys off to bed I switch off the baby monitor and bask in the luxurious quiet of my living room. Just the gentle sounds of the furnace kicking on and the cat snoring on the sofa next to me. This well deserved and long waited for hour at the end of each day will lose its reverence shortly when Squish returns home, and idle, quiet time will be in surplus once again. While I will still be seeing Squish regularly and providing his childcare during the week, this final hour will lose it’s sweetness as the glorious quiet of a sleeping baby becomes the simple silence of an empty house. Until the stork calls again, that is.

Speaking of mutha uckas

Poor Rebecca at Fosterhood (who’s blog inspired me to start my own) is getting all kinds of shade from her agency about the baby she’s supposed to be adopting. She and baby Clementine (who was born 2 days ago) are stuck in some heartbreaking, bullshit agency drama, to the point that C has been placed in another foster home with no idea when she will be home (“eventually” is all the deets she’s getting). Send her some love, guys. She needs it.

Our cloth diaper routine

The setup:

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I started out using pocket diapers for awhile but transitioned to simple prefolds and covers which I find more absorbent, and easier to care for. As you can see, I also keep a stash of disposable diapers that we use for visits so Squish’s mom doesn’t have to deal with the cloth. Sometimes I use them for overnight as well.

We use a dry pail so wet diapers go right in without rinsing or anything. We EC a little bit and I catch most of the poop in the toilet, but the few poopy diapers we have get dunked in the toilet until all of the solids are off, squeezed out , and put in the pail. And then I scrub the crap out of my hands.

I run laundry every 3 days. We have a front loader and it makes washing a bit of an ordeal, but I start with a cold soak, adding extra water from our hose (our house is 150 years old and the spigot is in the basement, handy).

Then it’s a hot wash on heavy, adding hot water from the handy hot water tap next to the washer.

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I add a small amount of detergent to this load only. I just started using Charlie’s and I’m a little nervous after reading some reviews saying it caused rashes and chemical burns on their babies. Before the Charlie’s I was using ecover delicate liquid, but ended up with detergent buildup and an awful diaper rash on Squish.

Next is a normal cycle on hot, adding extra water again. Lastly one more rinse cycle, again on hot, and again with extra water.

The covers and pail liner get hung up in the bathroom to dry, and the prefolds get tossed in the dryer! Easy peasy!

Good news!

We received word last week that Squish’s mom was approved for her apartment! This means that Squish should be headed home very soon. We should get more information about the timeline at the family team meeting on Wednesday, but I anticipate that they will do a few weekends of overnights before the judge approves the trial home placement.

We are very excited for Squish and his mama, and though I’ll miss having him round all the time I’m still going to see him regularly as I’m providing his child care. I still have paperwork to submit to the state so that I can accept subsidy payments (why, oh why can’t they just transfer the info from my foster file?) but once I get that straightened out it should be smooth sailing!

I’m excited to find out what our next adventure will be, but I think we’ll stay “closed” for a little while after Squish goes home. At least for the 30 days of the trial home placement, just in case something happens and he needs to come back to us. I doubt that would happen, but I wouldn’t want him to go to a different foster home if something came up.

I’ll be sure to follow up after Weds, but this is all good, good news!