Squish – documenting, two months later

I got the call in late November at 10:30pm. “Baby boy, 2 months, needs emergency placement.” I immediately said yes, my heart racing and went to wake Andy, who was already in bed, to let him know. “Holy shit, baby!”. I set out to adjust the crib in the nursery and managed to blow a fuse when I turned on the space heater. Andy heard the fan cut out and came into the nursery “what happened? Did you pay the electric bill (what he always asks me when something stops working)”. I told him about the space heater and he went down to the basement to check the fuse box. I continued working on the crib by the light of my phone. After a little bit Andy came back up “no good fuses, do you want me to run to the store?” “Um, yeah. Sorry.” I finished the crib in the thirty minutes he was gone and buy the time he came back I received another call from the caseworker “we took him to the ER to get checked out and they want to keep him overnight. Let’s talk again tomorrow morning”. Andy and I went to bed where I attempted to get some sleep, tossing and turning, mind racing, my stomach a ball of nerves.

The next day proceeds as the following night, me a ball of nerves, nesting mode: activated. I finally hear from the casework, baby needs to stay another night but will be discharged the next day around noon. We decide to meet at the hospital around 1:30. I lose my ever loving mind to anxiety and practice not sleeping. The next morning is the same, I arrange to have a early lunch with a friend to help keep my mind busy. I chatter nervously and barely eat, we talk about the baby and my anxiety/excitement/nervousness.

Finally it’s time to head to the hospital. I have the info scribbled in the small notebook I keep in my clutch “2 JCP”. I get to the second floor and enter the peds unit, realizing that I don’t have baby’s name. I call the case worker “it’s Squish*, I’m running late, ask the nurse’s station they’ll take you to his room”. The nurse at the station guides me through the corridor and introduces me to the floor social worker and his nurse. They take me into his room and introduce me. Immediately I fall in love and the anxiety and nervousness melt away as he smiles up at me. I spend some time holding him and chatting with the nurse and social worker while we wait for the case worker to show up with the paper work. The nurse preps a bottle for me to give him and tells me what a happy and easygoing baby he is, a good first placement.

The case worker finally arrives, briefs me on the situation, has me sign a boatload of papers and asks if I have any questions. We chat for a few minutes then, “that’s everything, call if you have any question”. And just like that, I had a baby.

I popped him in the wrap, packed up all of his stuff, and headed home.

*pseudonym