Still no placement calls. I have such mixed feeling about this anticipation of a child. Yes, a child will be in my home and will be nurtured and loved, but first that child’s world will be ripped apart. Something terrible will happen to him or his family in order to come into my care. And this thought remains in my mind as my heart races when the phone rings. My excitement is at the expense of another person’s pain. My hope is another’s dread. I guess this is my story, though. A conflicted life. A life of endless waiting.